DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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