just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
