I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She bit a glass in half.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
