Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
