I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
