You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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