I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's blow job season.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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