Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What a dumb baby whore.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize