apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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