He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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