I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
