I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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