i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
