Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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