Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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