OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
