remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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