Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
