I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
