Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
