I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
