I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
