I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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