nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Found your dick twin last night
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize