I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
where am i from again
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
