When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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