He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Even my vagina gasped.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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