the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
