you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
