I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize