So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize