ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
