life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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