I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
