I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
