just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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