You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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