the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
