Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
