did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
