dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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