Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
