How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No...this little piggys going to the bar
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize