my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize