we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
