The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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