i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
