Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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