READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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