you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
