I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
