So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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