I am in a vortex of obligation.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Holy sore nipples Batman
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
