I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
