some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
