so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
