Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
