Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
