It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
