I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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