Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
