turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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