i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
