Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
