It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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